Tuesday 24 February 2004

Hotel Quite Acceptable Paris A

21.35

Hotel Quite Acceptable, Paris.

A gentle day.

Smoke wafts up the central area of the hotel, emanating from the library bar. The streets are plastered with dog droppings, a pointed stick for visiting English pedestrians. No doubt this is a Gallic revenging-plot for the defeat of Napoleon at Waterloo (and his subsequent poisoning whilst in exile).

But his willy was very small! points out a Francophobe, citing evidence of the Emperor's (purported) pickled genitals auctioned in London several years ago. Napoleon was a Corsican! points out Diary-Reading-Associator. So what? Hitler was Austrian! comments another. And many of the dog-dropping-piles have been stepped in! I respond in turn before noting that Magna Carta, English common law & habeus corpus are all on course to be replaced by the Napoleonic Code via EU legislative programmes.

The English had their Bill of Rights several centuries before the French Revolution; the French had a Bill of Obligations to match their own bill of rights but were behind the English in executing royalty. 15,000 years ago the Straits of Dover was a land-bridge between these historic rivals who were, therefore, much the same people. More recently croissants, champagne, cafÈ au lait & exquisite patisserie have all contributed to the quality of my life. I wish those had stayed behind when the Straits filled up.

What about van Gogh? e-writes Tiresome of Tonbridge Wells. Pardon? I reply.

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