05 July 2017

Hotel Barely Acceptable Toronto

After my slightly dazed and confused travel day, all I needed last night from the 5 Star “Historic Toronto Luxury Hotel - Modern Downtown Comfort” (their description not mine), was a good night’s sleep - which was, of course, the one thing they denied me : my room was right by the elevator, and there was a continuous low rumble as if a freight train was being driven through my bedroom every few minutes. I begin to learn why these wise gigsters change their rooms so frequently after arriving at the hotel. Apparently, hotels have a habit of trying to give large groups the dodgy rooms with building works, elevators and other sonic embellishments.

“But how,” I wondered, “can hotels continue to let out rooms with such obvious faults?” A question I asked of the duty manager in the morning. He, of course, knew of the problem with my room, although it was apparently even more common to get complaints about the room next to mine which was even closer to the elevator. In venues, we are informed (hopefully) when seats have obstructed views. Apparently hotels think it is fine to let out rooms in which it is impossible to sleep, and then leave some poor day manager to try to make amends. “What can I offer you?”, he asked, genuinely trying to find a solution. “A free meal?” (we eat at the venue), “A free drink? (I had already been given a free drink voucher as our rooms were not ready when we checked in), “A free stay at the hotel next time you are in Toronto?” (when will that ever occur). I returned to my room, and spotted the large bag of laundry that I have built up over the last few weeks. This was the solution! I returned downstairs, and handed the manager the bag. Free laundry would suffice.

I didn’t realise that they required a form to be completed itemizing each item of laundry. So my recompense was complete when the manager had to go through my dirty laundry with me, counting socks, underwear, shirts etc.  A little cruelty goes a long way – especially when you have had no sleep.

And don’t let out noisy rooms to producers because they make recordings:

And if that one doesn’t sound shocking enough (low rumble is pretty inaudible unless you are listening on a good hi-fi), we can quickly doctor the evidence so that it’s more noticeable:

My new room is wonderfully quiet - although the air-conditioning unit is a little loud, and I hope my laundry is back before we fly away in the morning...

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